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A Fable for Our Times

10/17/2011

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Mikey and Julie - Nags Head
Here is a story for our times, originally published by Donald B. Ardell, Ph.D. Think about it...

It was many years ago that villagers in Downstream recall spotting the first body in the river. Some old timers remember how Spartan were the facilities and procedures for managing that short of thing. Sometimes, they say, it would take hours to pull 10 people from the river, and even then only a few would survive.

Though the number of victims in the river has increased greatly in recent years, the good folks of Downstream have responded admirably to the challenge. Their rescue system is clearly second to none: most people discovered in the swirling waters are reached within twenty minutes, many in less than ten. Only a small number drown each day before help arrives -- a big improvement from the way it used to be.

Talk to the people of Downstream and they'll speak with pride about the new hospital by the edge of the waters, the flotilla of rescue boats ready for service at a moment's notice, the comprehensive health plans for coordinating all the manpower involved, and the large number of highly trained and dedicated swimmers always ready to risk their lives to save victims from the raging currents. Sure it costs a lot but, say the Downstreamers, what else can decent people do except to provide whatever is necessary when human lives are at stake.

Oh, a few people in Downstream have raised the question now and again, but most folks show little interest in what's happening Upstream. It seems there's so much to do to help those in the river that nobody's got time to check how all those bodies are getting there in the first place. That's the way things are, sometimes.


A few days ago, the American Academy of Pediatrics presented its report about children and ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The report was comprehensive in its discussions about what ADHD might look like, the course of the illness, and how it should be treated. And it included discussions about treatment of preschool-aged children with parent counseling approaches, behavior therapy, and in more extreme circumstances, medication. The authors note that long-term effects of medications on brain development are not known for sure.

ADHD is often described as a neuro-developmental disorder that starts in childhood and is characterized by chronic inattention, impulsiveness, and hyperactivity. Children (and teens and adults) diagnosed with ADHD often have co-occurring disorders, including learning problems, anxiety, depression, and others. The diagnosis has morphed over the last few decades, and the number of children falling under its umbrella has increased. The report issued last week by AAP also noted the expanded age range for ADHD, listed as formerly 6-12 years of age, and now described as 4-18 years of age. Up to 8% of children, according to the report, have ADHD.

I do not doubt that many children and adolescents have genuine neuro-developmental problems that are revealed in the types of behaviors described above. I also know that the types of  behaviors associated with ADHD are often seen with children with other problems, as noted by the Center for Disease Control. 

I have so many questions and concerns. Neurological development, particularly prenatally and during childhood, is sensitive to many external factors, including drugs and other substances ingested by the mother while pregnant and, before and after birth, many toxins in the environment. Toxins in the environment include chemicals in the air, water, and soil, and chemicals in foods. Neurological development is also sensitive to social and family environment factors. For example, exposures to trauma or violence can result in significant change in brain functioning and/or behavior. And we don't yet know what the long-term effects of being "plugged-in" to long periods of screen time on computers and televisions at a very young age might have on brain development. Research in all of these areas is ongoing.

I also have questions about other issues related to behavior and development. How do chronic chaos and disorganization in a child's life affect her? How might standardized testing from a young age and, more important, educational environments that emphasize the importance of standardized test scores over developmentally appropriate educational practices affect a child? What benefits might there be in giving a child time to dream and imagine, in granting lots of lazy "swinging on the gate" time? There are some studies that indicate that inattentive children show improved attention following unstructured time outdoors in nature. What does that mean?

Some of my best and most vivid memories from my parenting years are of those times when I stepped back and just let Michael and Julie "be" - alone or with friends. One winter, after a scary ER visit, Julie turned our dining room into a pediatrician's office, complete with a doctor's kit, "patients," computers and files, a telephone, and note-pads. She played in there for hours, sometimes alone and sometimes with her brother or friends. I remember going down into our basement one October to find the den transformed by Michael and his neighborhood friends into a Haunted House, complete with spider webs and beheaded dolls hanging from the ceiling. There were long late nights in the summer with kids from 3-13 years of age running around among the yards playing King of the Mountain. There were also times when the kids watched a lot of TV and played video games, but these were balanced out by playing outdoors or by sitting and listening to stories. What do you recall from your years of parenting your children? From your own childhood?

Talking about this is more than nostalgia. I do recognize that many children do not have the good fortune that other kids have - the space, the safe neighborhood or home, the supervision, the willingness of parents to tolerate messes. I am very grateful for what we were able to give our children. But beyond nostalgia - developmental research is clear that play and imagination are very important experiences for all children. These experiences help children be ready and willing to learn in more structured environments, foster confidence and increase self-awareness, and teach valuable socialization skills. They help children learn to pay attention, take turns, and sit still when needed.

I would not want to deny any child or family effective treatment - behavioral, family, or medication - if it is truly needed, if the child's well-being in terms of learning, friendships, and family relationships is significantly impaired by challenging behaviors. At the same time, I want to urge all of us - psychologists, physicians, sociologists, clergy, parents, grandparents, teachers and other educators, nurses - everyone - to begin to look upstream for causes and for possible lapses in our collective judgment or practices that may have contributed to unhealthy environments and/or unrealistic expectations for our children. 

These are complex issues - there are no easy answers. But, at the very least, asking questions and searching for answers is necessary. This is our responsibility - to our children and grandchildren seven generations out, and to our society.

P.S. As I was writing this, Julie sent me the picture below...

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The Blind Beggar

10/15/2011

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There is a prayer practice called "lectio divina" - slow, contemplative reading of sacred works or poems in which one listens carefully to one's heart, to the still small voice of a greater wisdom that might be speaking through the words. A few years ago, in a centering prayer group, the leader read the story of Jesus and Bartimaeus, the blind beggar. She read the story, slowly and softly. She asked us to listen closely, to sense where we might have been in this scene of Jesus, followed by crowds and his disciples, coming upon a blind man begging him for mercy. Where would we be?

This is what I heard, in the stillness of my heart. I would be sitting at a Starbucks across the road, watching and waiting. I would be sipping tea and reading a book, unobtrusively observing the crowds following Jesus, hanging on him, asking him for help. I would watch to see what would happen. Maybe after the crowds thinned out and things settled down, I would approach Jesus. I would ask him how he was, who he was. I would say that his life looked hard, and I wondered how that was for him.

And Bartimaeus? Yes, I would have wanted to reach out to him as well. But in the crowd? Nope. Not likely.

So that was where I was in that public scene. I most definitely was not part of the crowd of people, the public "hangers-on" in my mind, nor was I one of the disciples, committed to the mysterious journey that lay ahead. I also did not rush over, in this public arena, to help Bartimaeus myself. I watched by the side of the road. Safe, private. Curious, moved, but uncommitted. Not going to be part of the crowd.

I have been taking baby steps away from Starbucks toward the crowds, toward the beggar. I have been taking tiny steps toward being part of it all, accepting that I won't lose who I am in the crowd and that I might even learn something or have something to contribute myself. And realizing that maybe voices raised together in a crowd can mean something. So I went to Blair Mountain this summer and today I went downtown with the Occupy Pittsburgh group.

The sign above kind of sums up today. The common factor among the people who were at the Occupy Pittsburgh march was the "commons" - all eyes were on humanity, the larger good, not on the bottom line. Poverty, race, education and health care cuts, the huge costs of war, student debt, environmental destruction - today I heard voices raised for people, not dollars. Justice and equity, fairness, empathy, accountability and responsibility. And you know what? It is all connected.

There were babies in strollers, students from grade school through college, union members, older graying seasoned protesters, clergy, veterans. I got to see my Kalie and her family. Everyone was respectful, kind, generous. There was joy in the group, along with a sense of frustration that things have come to this point. There was a feeling of - "Enough. No more." I felt privileged to be part of the group, to be among the crowd.

This is what democracy looks like.

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Come on down!

10/14/2011

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Occupy Pittsburgh Day of Action - Saturday morning. All ages, all kinds of people. Hope to see you there, rain or shine.

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Hope

10/12/2011

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Majora Carter - Metropolismag.com
Sunday was a magical day. I'll start where I ended, going backwards through the day.

I had the distinct privilege of hearing Majora Carter speak at the AASHE (Association for the Advancement of Sustainability in Higher Education) 2011 Conference at Pittsburgh's David L. Lawrence Convention Center. This is one amazing woman, a fireball of wisdom and energy who is changing communities one by one. Majora lives in the Bronx - grew up there - and has worked with other community members to begin a transformation of the borough and of the lives of its residents. She is an eco-activist whose work and ideas are spreading across the globe. Check her out at these numerous sites to learn more about her and her work - I think she is a prophet for the day and I think you will be inspired. First, there is her award-winning TED Talk - Greening the Ghetto, where I first learned of her. Then - she hosts a public radio program, The Promised Land, in which she shares stories of visionaries and leaders. And, she has started a company, the Majora Carter Group - her vision, in her words:

“I believe that you shouldn’t have to leave your neighborhood to live in a better one... When we allow or encourage our economic practices to tax the environment, we inadvertently tax people too - that ends up costing all of us a lot of money. When we add the moral costs of denying future generations a clean and productive planet to the degraded quality of life offered our fellow citizens who are unable to escape the environmental sacrifice zones - zones created through our collective negligence - the toll becomes untenable... But when we place Democracy ahead of poorly regulated Capitalism in all of our decisions, cost savings - often overlooked by conventional thinking - cascade from many directions."

Regardless of your particular political affiliation, it would be hard to find fault with this woman's work - she engages under- and unemployed community members in productive work to better the natural and built environments in which they live, creating jobs as well as healthy and sustainable places to live - not unlike the Civilian Conservation Corps and other groups that built our nation's infrastructure decades ago. Majora Carter's existence gives me hope.

Before her talk, I browsed through the bookstore at the conference - and I watched author, professor, and environmentalist Bill McKibben talk with students and sign their books. I know that I am a little weird, but tears came to my eyes as I looked through the hundreds of books written to instruct, inspire, argue with people - to wake people up to what is going on around us, to the complicated but real connections between our economic and financial stability, our health and well-being, and the state of our environment, our natural world, across the globe. It gives me hope to see the energy that many very bright people are putting into creative and workable solutions to this state of affairs.

Backing up a little more... I spent the morning at the Allegheny Unitarian Universalist Church - had attended a couple of times before, and was feeling particularly drawn to stop in this week for some reason. On this Yom Kippur weekend of atonement and forgiveness, Holocaust survivor and American soldier Fritz Ottenheimer, German clarinetist Susanna Ortner-Roberts, and her husband, pianist Tom Roberts, presented a moving program - "Who are these Germans?" 

Fritz's tales of his childhood in Germany during the early years of Hitler's reign depicted the challenges and horrors associated with lumping all people of one race, religion, or nationality together into one big glob - in his stories, there were cruel, awful Germans and kind, brave Germans and many more who were silent bystanders. In between his stories, Susanna's clarinet sang with mournful and soulful Klezmer tunes, accompanied by Tom's piano. Then Susanna spoke of her own emigration from Germany to the US, and of the desire of her generation not to feel guilt for the past atrocities which they did not commit, but to learn from them and to work to make the world a better place. Fritz and Susanna present their program to schools, churches, temples, community groups - anywhere people are interested in learning how to tear down walls and reach out to hold hands. I felt tears once again, and hope in my breast.

Julie spent her first Yom Kippur with Greg and his family. I think Michael and Leah were with her family in NYC. I love thinking about this time of year, this holy day, and am happy and grateful that my children are in relationships where they can learn about it. There are wonderful traditions that lead up to Yom Kippur, practices exemplified in the work of Fritz, Susanna, Tom, and Majora ... among them, charity - the ethical imperative to contribute our resources to support the needy, our communal organizations, and to make the world a better place; repentance - acknowledging our shortcomings, showing regret for what we did, and resolving to not make the same mistakes again; and prayer - opening our heart, putting thoughts to words, praying in the plural to ask for the good of all, not for our own personal needs.
  
It has been rainy today - wet brown leaves cover my front walk and there is the smell of wood smoke in the air. I have been listening to old Judy Collins albums - just read her book Morning, Noon, and Night: Living the Creative Life, written several years after her own recovery from her son's suicide and her own abuse of alcohol. She tells the tale of her son's death in Sanity and Grace, and of her own journey back to life and giving.

Out of darkness... music, light, and love.

And hope.

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RIP Steve

10/5/2011

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I just heard that Steve Jobs died. Very sad. I was listening to his 2005 commencement address at Stanford University about "loving what you do" - in work, in relationships, in every part of your life. Jobs spoke of the love he had for his work and family - through all of his life's ups and downs. He ended his commencement address with a quote from the final issue of the Whole Earth Catalog. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

I have been thinking about how to write about the OWS event - the Occupy Wall Street protests. I first heard about the plans when I participated in the March on Blair Mountain this past summer, and have been thinking about it ever since. There are a lot of young - and not so young - people in NYC right now, calling attention to the pretty complicated state of affairs in our country. This state of affairs? One in which corporate interests wield a significant amount of power over government policies and practices. The power wielded is often not respectful of the health and well-being of the "commons" - it is often more protective of the interests of the top 1%, to use the language of many of the protesters.

Of course, not all corporations and corporate people are contributing to the problem. Steve Jobs' creativity, genius, and leadership have benefited people across the globe. Warren Buffett, as just one other example, supports the recent conversations about increasing taxation of the very wealthy. Others contribute mightily to public welfare. But this isn't always the case. Think about how long it is taking to hold a big corporation accountable for the devastation directly caused by the BP Gulf Oil Spill. Big businesses can be seen as "people" for the purposes of contributing to political campaigns, but they aren't "people" who can be held accountable for crimes against humans and nature in the same way that you and I would? And the mortgage disaster sleight of hand games. It doesn't make sense to me. Businesses ARE people - the business or corporation should not provide an invisibility cloak that absolves the owners and decision-makers of responsibility for their behavior. Really. This is not Hogwarts.

On my drive back home from Kentucky this past weekend, I listened to a podcast from The New School at Commonweal: Exploring Nature, Culture, and Inner Life. Host Michael Lerner was interviewing Richard Heinberg, author of The End of Growth: Adapting to Our New Economic Reality, as well as other books about the changing times. Journalist Heinberg maintains that traditional economic theories of the industrial age - theories that support the idea that economies, based on industrial activities made possible by fossil fuels, should and must continually grow - are no longer useful. He proposes that three factors are converging in a way that will require a totally new paradigm for evaluating the health of a society - the converging factors are resource depletion, environmental disasters and resulting impacts, and enormous debt. Heinberg - and many others across the globe as well - holds that a "healthy" GDP does not automatically translate into health and well-being of the society. And striving to continually make more, spend more, make more, spend more, as individuals or as nations, is no longer sustainable. The earth's resources cannot support this any longer, without significant costs for the future. 

We need to find other ways of measuring health and well-being of ourselves and our society than the monetary bottom line, and to create a culture that promotes and supports the healthier ways of thinking, relating, and doing. Economics and employment would definitely be part of such an index, but so would ethical living, happiness, physical and mental health, moral and social health, and abundant, safe, and clean natural resources.

I respect what the OWS people are trying to do, hungry and foolish though they may be - at the very least, they are trying to raise awareness of power and its repercussions, ill or good. Let's really think about where our power should come from - whose thoughts and needs and ideas should be considered when decisions about the public welfare are being made. And let's think about the ways in which we can exercise our own voices, whether in words that we write to government officials or newspapers, in conversations with friends and neighbors and in classrooms and offices, or in public protests of our own. We can use what is happening on Wall Street to ask questions and start conversations and learn more - we all have to be part of the solution of turning things around.

As one people, united, we acknowledge the reality: that the future of the human race requires the cooperation of its members; that our system must protect our rights, and upon corruption of that system, it is up to the individuals to protect their own rights, and those of their neighbors; that a democratic government derives its just power from the people, but corporations do not seek consent to extract wealth from the people and the Earth; and that no true democracy is attainable when the process is determined by economic power. We come to you at a time when corporations, which place profit over people, self-interest over justice, and oppression over equality, run our governments. We have peaceably assembled here, as is our right, to let these facts be known.
—From the  Declaration of Occupy Wall Street

And it isn't just corporations. It is us as well. We are also culpable and need to open our eyes and get real about what matters. More about that coming soon.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish. Indeed. Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.

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The Garage Sale

10/2/2011

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The King and Queen of Overbrook Circle
A good time - and a cold time - was had by all! On Friday and Saturday, my two sisters Valerie and Jennifer, my brother Ray, and my parents welcomed dozens of people to this sale of 45 years' worth of "stuff" that had accumulated in our house on Overbrook. (Hmm. I notice that I call it "our" house, even though I haven't lived there in decades and even though I haven't contributed a dime to its mortgage!)

It was a walk down memory lane. Old clothes, tools, books, records (remember A Taste of Honey? The Ray Conniff Singers?), and many many coffee makers and spatulas. Towels, sheets and blankets from the lake house... colorful margarita glasses and a bright yellow end table and random remotes and big-ass phones with cords... and a plastic Budweiser Beer sign that my dad insisted on pricing at $35 (no, it didn't sell). And I found my "letter jacket" from high school marching band, which of course no longer fits but which I of course did not sell. And I found a Senior Scholastic Magazine from December 1969. The back page had an ad for Royal Typewriters - "Ask mom and dad to get one for you! You will get better grades and - groovy! - it has a transistor radio in its case!" One article wondered about what was ahead in the 1970s - did you know that computers were big machines that could solve hard problems very fast? Maybe someday, every college will have one on its campus!

I arrived late Thursday and apparently had missed the most exciting and slightly tense part of the pre-sale process - the negotiation among family members about how to price the various items. Of course, Mom and Dad had the last word, but each person had their opinions based on emotional attachment to the thing or to vast experience with other garage sales. Not surprisingly, given my push-over personality, once the sale started I was tempted to let people pay whatever they wanted. Fortunately, we had rules - no price cuts until after noon. When my Dad's back was turned, however, I often charged only a dime, instead of a quarter, for a flower vase or mug.

Did I mention that it was about 50 degrees? A windy 50 that led me to root through my parents' drawers and closet for socks and coats.

Each visitor seemed to be on a mission. We had many requests for military stuff - uniforms, documents, guns, knives - and for stamps, coins, and jewelry. We did have several small baggies filled with costume jewelry - miscellaneous necklaces and earrings from across the decades. We found some pretty cool big clunky earrings from the 1980s, as well as some novelty items. Somehow, no matter how many times we tucked them into bags with other pieces, the blinking Santa Claus earrings ended up alone on the table, tucked under some place mats or tea towels. And my mother parted with her collection of crystal salt cellars, one by one, many with its own tiny spoon.

Many people had stories to tell - one man bought a coffee maker for his son who could not find a replacement carafe to fit his fancy coffee maker; another bought a bin of chunky chalk for his grandchildren and talked about how they love to draw on his sidewalk when they visit. Several families with only one English-speaking member came and bought toys and household goods. It felt very good to be passing things that we no longer used on to others who needed them. Sustainability - recycling and reusing.

My brother and sisters and I had many conversations about "stuff." We all, to varying degrees acknowledged that we had way too much stuff, and after being surrounded by stuff for two days, we pledged to go clean out our own attics and closets. 

Stuff and stuff. Last Thursday, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette published an article Lessons from the Amish. Tim Grant, the author, described how the Amish have easily weathered the economic recession that has plagued the nation. In Amish communities, people live below their means. Imagine that - below their means. What a sense of freedom that would bring - freedom and energy that can be devoted to more important things.

On my way home, I had a minor car accident (well, I drove over a curb at a gas station in Flatwoods, West Virginia and three kind men lifted the car back onto the road). I bent something - I noticed immediately that the steering was off - and yet, like a fool, I drove the remaining two hours home, 45 miles an hour, flashers flashing. Steve's nephew, Donny, owns a body shop and is taking care of things - he did tell me that I should NOT have driven the car home, but I did make it. So I am without a car for several days and get to ride the bus again. And then. My furnace isn't working - so we are a bit chilly. I plan to sleep in Steve's red WYEP sweatshirt tonight 'cause it has a big hood. 

But as I used to tell my kids when they were young (and a little whiny about not getting what they wanted) - "Yes, we are rich. Absolutely. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, clothes to wear, and FAMILY! We are RICH IN LOVE!" They would roll their eyes - but I know they got it.

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    Author

    Mary Beth Mannarino is a licensed psychologist who provides coaching in the areas of leadership, career, life, and parenting. She is also an environmental and climate educator and activist. Dr. Mannarino is professor emeritus at Chatham University where she continues to teach courses to students in health professions related to environment and well-being.

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    My Bloggy Rules...
    I write about my own experiences, opinions, dreams, and ideas. I invite you to share your ideas, and to be part of a dialogue. I will make mistakes! But it is great to take the risk to put this out there and, more importantly, to hear from you.

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